My Garden of Thoughts: Reflection #16 -- Relationships Between Young Adults and Their Parents

 

https://www.momdoesreviews.com/2016/06/04/how-parents-can-help-their-young-adult-children-become-self-sufficient/

    Gradually, as we have read further into the textbook it has begun exploring relationships between children and their parents on a linear line of progression. This week, the topic of chapter 9 centered on how parents begin to release even more control and codependency with their children as they begin to reach the stage of adulthood. 

    Some parents become overwhelmed with the transition from their children needing them to their children becoming self-sufficient. However, the textbook is quick to point out that the learning process for children to become successful adults can also help the parents learn how to successfully let go too. Parents do best to help their children foster adult skills and renegotiate the roles of responsibility--slowly transferring the responsibilities, like financial and practical ones, more to the children over time. In doing this, parents are preparing their adolescent for an adulthood where they can rely more on their skills than on dependency of a parent. Some parents feel guilty for adding more responsibilities to their children's plates or they might resent the process of watching their child leave home to go to college or become independent. These transitions, while difficult, are essential to making sure children are emotionally, physically, and developmentally healthy. If adult children are unable to leave home, they often struggle to learn how to become confident in their abilities to function on their own, which can place strain and tension on the relationship between the child and their parent later on.

    Fulfilling a child's need for a secure attachment, boundaries and discipline, and communication can lead to a healthy transition into adulthood. Though watching a child become independent can cause sadness, parents will be relieved to know that children who are given freedom to explore their identity apart from their parent's roles in their lives will usually have more positive experiences and return home to see their parents more. The bond with their parents might even become stronger as adult children start viewing their parents as a person outside the role of parent. This makes them appreciate not only what their parent accomplished and did for them while they were growing up, but how their parent as a person themselves is good company to be around. Friendships between parents and their adult children provide a meaningful experience for both parties and can allow the transition to grandparenthood to go even smoother.

    I related to this topic quite a bit. I noticed that in high school I only viewed my parents as enforcers of rules and curfews. I didn't resent them for enforcing boundaries (in fact I liked having boundaries, but I never would've admitted that to them back then!). However, I felt the power imbalance of our roles when I was in high school. This all shifted when I moved 2 hours away to go to college. I missed my family, but felt a freedom to discover who I was apart from them. It was even better knowing my parents wanted me to experience this freedom too and encouraged it. Now, since getting married and almost being done with college, I feel like I have found out who I am and how to develop relationships with others outside of my circle of family. It gives me a sense of satisfaction and success--which I attribute to my parent's ability to gracefully accept the transition I made from adolescence to adulthood. Now I view my parents as my closest friends and people I can go to for advice when I'm stuck. Going through the transition actually made me feel closer to them and more thankful that they are a part of my life.

-E.