My Garden of Thoughts: Reflection #17- Grandparents and Their Adult Children

 

https://www.jfcspgh.org/are-you-a-grandparent-looking-to-nurture-the-jewish-identities-of-your-interfaith-grandchildren/

    Transitioning from Parents and their emerging young adult children, the textbook goes into depth about the relationship between middle aged parents and their adult children who are taking on more areas of growth. These new areas include: graduating college, getting married, and having children. Some of these new transitions, like having children, can begin changing the roles of the adult children's parents. Parents become grandparents and take on the responsibility of helping their adult children raise their own babies. For many this period of time is extremely rewarding and satisfying to grandparents and adult children. The textbook does mention a couple events that might not be so normative for this stage, however. These events might be the divorce and remarriage of the adult child's parents or the death of a parent. These transitions are more than likely to bring stress, not a sense of closeness, to the adult children.

    Other changes that might occur during this time are retirement or widowhood for middle-aged parents. Retirement is said not to change the entire family unit much, especially if it allows the retired grandparents to spend more time helping raise their grandchildren. However, widowhood can have a negative impact on the family. Daughters are usually the family members who end up with the responsibility of taking care of the parent who is left alone after the death of their spouse. This can be an added strain to their daily activities and requirements, especially if they have children that need attention too. In these transitions where the parent becomes more dependent on their adult child than vice versa, it is necessary to address and renegotiate the parent-child roles.

    Aside from these transitions, it is important to note the relationship between parents and their adult children during these changes in their lives. Grandparents' relationship with grandchildren is a huge determining factor of growing social skills in the child's life. In addition, studies have shows that the closer adult children live to their older parents, the better bond and success they have while raising their kids. This is due to the close bonds that are built through seeing family members frequently and because of the mutual ability of both grandparents and their adult children have to aid each other. Grandparents often provide financial support and adult children can provide health support as their parents begin to decline.

    I believe that relationships with grandparents is important. I was close to my maternal grandparents when I was younger, but when they moved away I only saw them at holidays. My paternal grandparents have always lived in California (where my dad grew up) so I rarely saw them at all. It wasn't until they moved to Kansas from California 4 years ago that my relationship became very close to them. I felt sad that they had missed out on almost all of my life events in high school (like orchestra concerts or sports competitions), but we make up for that now by spending tons of time together doing our favorite hobbies. I'm thankful they live closer now! My husband and I are also waiting to have children until we can move back to KC because we'll be closer to our families there. I have never liked the thought of not being around my family when I have children of my own. I want my parents to be a big part of my children's lives so that they get to experience what I didn't get to as a kid.

- E.