My Garden of Thoughts: Reflection #4 -- Parenting Patterns & Cultural/Contextual Influences

 

    Parenting styles are one of the most discussed portions of childhood development. Since children are wholly dependent on their caregiver during the first years of their life, they can be subjected to all types of treatment, including both healthy parental behaviors or destructive behaviors. Many parenting styles are taken on by parents because it was the way they were raised when they were younger. Sometimes, parenting styles are brought forth due to trauma or circumstantial issues, like low SES, that parents have to navigate through. These events or circumstances can hinder their ability to parent their children correctly or provide for their child's specific needs growing up. 

    The textbook "Parent'-Child Relations" by Heath discusses 6 distinct Parenting styles: Authoritative, Authoritarian, Permissive, Traditional , Indulgent, and Indifferent. These 6 patterns of child rearing have both positive and negative consequences associated with them. The vast majority of experts and professionals recommend that parents use the Authoritative parenting style when raising their children because this specific style elicits extremely close familial bonds along with developing children who grow into emotionally and mentally productive and successful adults.

    In contrast to the Authoritative style, the textbooks makes note that both Authoritarian and Indifferent parenting styles produce the least favorable outcomes in a child's development. This is mostly due to the fact that the parents either try to inflict too much control in their child's life, which diminishes their self-esteem and causes them to be dependent, or parents have very little responsiveness toward their child, which causes the child to have low self-esteem and antisocial behavior. Children need both boundaries and affection from their parents in order to have confidence in themselves and confidence that they can conquer the things in life that happen to them. Using intense measures of punishment is shown to be one of the least effective ways to raise an obedient and respectful child. Likewise, lack of attention or affection is shown to have lasting emotional repercussion on a child's mental health. Therefore, it is essential to remember that children should be held to standards that match their level of development and don't diminish their needs for affirmation and love. 

    In my own life, I can relate most to the Authoritative parenting style. My parents fit into this category pretty well because they let my siblings and I exercise our autonomy and responsibility, while also providing a safe home environment and a listening ear whenever we needed to get something off of our chests. I do remember thinking that my parents were too harsh in their discipline at times, especially in high school. I felt liked they lack consistency with how they measured what behaviors deserved different kinds of disciplines. However, looking back on how they disciplined me and taught me to be responsible actually makes sense to me. Now, I can compare how several of my friends who didn't have parents like mine turned out as adults compared to me. The lack a lot of self responsibility, autonomy, and confidence that I can see in myself. I can greatly see how my parents truly put all their effort into setting aside time to be with us kids, teach us how to be responsible, put our relationship with Christ first, and pave a way for ourselves in every aspect of life. 

    The only thing from this week's reading that I would have to disagree with is the argument that using punishing force is the least effective way to raise/discipline a child. I was raised getting spanked as a child, which I know is commonly advised against in many parenting classes. However, I don't think spanking should be completely ruled out of the equation of ways to discipline a child. I think if parents should ever use force to make their point, they need to be wise about it. My parents vowed to never punish or spank my siblings and I out of anger. In fact, whenever we got in trouble, spankings were not an immediate effect. They almost always took place 30 minutes or more after we had got in trouble. This showed me how my parents were not spanking me to let out their anger. In addition to allowing themselves time to cool down, my parents also asked us if we knew why we were getting a spanking. This step allowed us to reflect on what actions led to the consequence of a spanking. Punishments shouldn't be random, they should be intentional so that children know what the boundaries are and that their parents expectations of them are clear, not convoluted. Once we told our parents why we thought we were getting a spanking, they would confirm we were right or clarify if we were confused. This process allowed the punishment to be specific, clear, intentional, and meaningful. It was a form of setting consequential boundaries that stuck out to us. I believe that this type of punishing force can actually be effective if done right, unlike the textbook suggests. Yet, I am aware that not every parent will have this much self-control or knowledge of how to discipline this way so I can understand why it is becoming more popular to simply steer the general public away from using this type of discipline so it won't be misused on accident. 

When I become a parent, I hope to be half as good as my parents were for me. I want my future children to grow up knowing they are loved and also feeling like they have someone who has their back and will push them to grow and develop in new ways all the time.

- E.